Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
