Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't just leave with hair like that
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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