Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
