sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
