No awkward lesbian experiences without me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
