I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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