Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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