You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
