I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
high people should be assigned attendants
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
