We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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