My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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