moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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