How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
