He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
