Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So squirting runs in the family.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
