Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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