I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
