I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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