I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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