I hate all girls vehemently.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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