I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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