I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
