Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We need a shit load of segways right now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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