Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
