we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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