Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
