shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have post one night stand depression
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