Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
