Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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