i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do vagina's smell?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
