I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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