literally had 100 drinks last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
