I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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