Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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