I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
