Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it hurts more in the daytime
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
