Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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