so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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