Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
