nut hugger
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
