At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The uberlube is also flammable
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
