So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
