My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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