Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
