And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
