Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
