Michael Bay diarrhea
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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