a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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