Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
