Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
