I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
