Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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