FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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