I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
