Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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